October 17, 2019
Dear Old Guard: That’s us making off with the pay rise you never gave us when you retrenched the rest of our team and expected us to do the job of one and half people. ONE AND A HALF PEOPLE!!! Yep, come Friday 3:03PM (our research tells us this is prime bank robbing time and the perfect time to make an escape) we’re skipping beer o’clock (unless you get in some of that craft beer – then, make it 6:03pm) and we’re outta here. Hell to the yeah, we’re taking our disposable income (accumulated with our rent free digs at home – thanks Mum and Dad), and then we’re gonna chop and change jobs till our savvy nest eggs on the wall appreciate in ways you never can. Oh, and that merry tune we’re whistling? It’s Yazz, The Only Way Is Up. Laters, Millennial.
Dear Millennial: Our generation are suckers. Risk averse, pay cuts, overtime, company loyalty, working multiple roles simultaneously and eating at our desk instead of taking an actual lunch break is our thing. What even is a poke bowl anyway? Leave it to us. Oh, and thanks for the digital schooling before you left. Just carted that piece you’ve been eyeing off online. A virtual red dot – how ‘bout dat?! Check it.
Cheers, Old Cat New Tricks.
P.S Who the f@#$ is Yazz? You should be ashamed.
Friday 3:03PM: According to research, 3:03PM on Friday is the perfect time to rob a bank.
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