Ok, move along, people, nothing to see. Move along. You, sir, and you, madam, please, step aside. Don't look, there's nothing to see. Nothing to read. Just go away. Seriously, you should now go. Click away. We don't want to be responsible for wasting five minutes of your life on reading this text. Ok, you got it. Yes, it is stupid. Yes, thank you, please go and come back again to read something more sensible and more reading worthy.
What, you don't want to? You still want to read this? Ok, but you have been warned. Here it goes.
Yes, Banksy's real identity was discovered! Again! What's the story? Well, there isn't one, as you are already aware of, but Daily Mail didn't mind that. The British tabloid wrote that Banksy's fans have spotted and photographed a man at Dismaland bemusement park in Weston-Super-Mare that bore a "striking resemblance" to the famous street artist and was "disguised" as a parking attendant. So, this guy was similar to Banksy, and Banksy is, of course, anonymous? Hm, something's not right there. Using this logic, I might very well say that there is a striking resemblance between myself and Banksy, right? But wait, there is another catch. There is a photo of a man from 2004 that is kneeling down and has a spray can near him. That's gotta be Banksy, right? Because, Banksy is a street artist, and he uses those spray cans all the time, and then, here is this guy with a spray can that may or may not belong to him... Just put two and two together, and, voila! Actually, Daily Mail published this photo back in 2008, claiming that was Robin Gunningham from Bristol, kneeling down in Jamaica in 2004. And, you've guessed it, "Banksy's fans" claim that Robin Gunningham is Banksy, because he is from Bristol, and some say that he has a talent for arts. It has to be Banksy then, because, you know, Banksy is also from Bristol - or so they say - and he is a great artist, so he's got to have enormous talent for arts, just put two and two together...
But, we are not done yet. It appears that this guy, that's supposed to be Robin Gunningham, has some facial similarity with this guy who was photographed outside of Dismaland, disguised as a parking attendant. Yes, they have similar noses, we grant you that. That man that is kneeling down in Jamaica with a spray can next to him and that man that was photographed outside of Dismaland have similar noses! It has to be Banksy! Never mind that in 2004, supposed Robin Gunningham had around forty years, and this "disguised Banksy" looks like he's close to his sixties. Perhaps he had a tough life since 2004, we don't know that. But, we do know that those noses are strikingly similar, and that there's something that should be investigated... WAIT! WE GOT IT! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! That man from Jamaica is not the same man as this one at Weston-Super-Mare, and he is not Banksy. But he is his close relative. He is HIS SON! The real Banksy is that old guy outside of Dismaland - Dismaland is Banksy's property, so, Banksy should be around there somewhere, closely watching that some kids don't make some damage to his bemusement park. And what's better disguise than a parking attendant? And Banksy's son that was photographed in Jamaica in 2004 is not artist at all - on this photo he is actually watching a spray can for his father, who went to toilet. And those noses, man! They are the same. Like father, like son, they say, and for a reason, as well.
Oh, wait. This is just in: the local authorities at Weston-Super-Mare confirmed that the old man who is wearing a parking attendant uniform is, in fact, a parking attendant. Damn! There goes our theory...
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Featured image courtesy of Daily Mail.